His choice
by Zoetjetoch
Summary: Syed and Christian's reunion in 2010 - revisited. How it felt for both of them...
1. Chapter 1 : Choice

**A/N : I wrote this fic as a Secret Santa gift to Meg_icy, whose username was inspired by a memorable, defining scene in Chryed history.  
>The name and the scene in turn inspired me to write this little piece of fiction.<br>This is how I imagined it to be for both of them...  
>Hope you enjoy! <strong>

**Chapter 1 : C H O I C E**

C H R I S T I A N

"I choose you"

He says it quietly. My heart leaps at the mere sound of those words. Those three little words I have longed to hear for so long. And now he's said them. Sounds so sure. But I don't believe him. I don't allow myself to believe him. How can I? After everything we've been through... after all that hope that has been crushed so many times before. I can't afford to believe him.

And so I defy him. Defy _them._ Those three beautiful words. I stubbornly refuse to believe that he's finally made his choice. That his choice is me. _Me!_  
>But he won't let off. He doesn't believe my disbelief. Unwavering, he stands before me, and makes his case. Insists. He knows who he is now. He knows what he wants. He says it again. Quietly, not one word above the other, but emphasizing each and every one of them. Willing me to hear.<p>

But it's not his words that make my resistance crumble. It's his eyes. Shining, confident. Full of love and promise. And something... something I haven't seen in them before. Utter and complete conviction. Absolute certainty and not a fraction of doubt.

And then he touches me. My heart lurches. His fingertips flutter against my jaw, my chin, my neck, feather-like, and his face is serious and intent as he watches me sigh in response. Sigh in relief. The only thing I'm aware of is his eyes, and the warmth of his hand as he touches my face.

"I... I don't think you can go to hell for having loved" he softly says. I hear it. I know what it means. But it leaves me speechless. He waits. My face is in his hand, and his eyes are locked onto mine. He waits - until he is sure I am paying attention to his words. He waits until I believe.  
>And I finally do.<p>

A glimpse of a movement over his shoulder catches my eye. His parents. He turns around and faces them.  
>And in their eyes I see that they know. They see the same thing I just did. He chooses me.<p>

"Let's go home" I say and turn around. Start walking. I don't wait for him. I don't turn around to see if he follows. Because I know he will. After what I just saw in his eyes, I don't have an ounce of doubt. He's coming home with me.

And after all, it's still up to him. It's still his choice. It has to be his. His alone.

I feel his hand tentatively touch my back as we walk away. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Maybe I wasn't as sure as I made out to be. His fingers graze the small of my back, and they send shivers down my spine. I hold back the urge to cry out with joy. Instead, I swing my arm around his shoulder and pull him in.

We're going home.

He's chosen me.


	2. Chapter 2 : Home

**Chapter 2 : H O M E **

S Y E D

He softly closes the door behind him and turns around. He doesn't speak; just looks at me. I feel helpless suddenly, naked without the comfort of his touch.  
>I made my choice. I have no doubts. And yet I'm shaking like a leaf. I dreamed of this moment. The moment I'd have the courage to choose my own path. My own desire. My love. And now I have. It's the most exhilarating feeling ever.<p>

He's still not talking. He waits. Waits for me to make the next move. It's _my_ choice, always my choice. He's always left it to me. Even when I made the worst decisions, when I stubbornly refused to listen, to see the truth. The choice was always mine.

And then it suddenly hits me. Like a bolt of lightning. I did it. I really did. I chose _Christian._ I came home with Christian. The mere thought of that makes my heart do happy somersaults, and yet it leaves me speechless. I don't know where I found the courage, where I found the strength to do what I just did. But I did it. And now I stand here looking in his eyes, and I know. I finally chose right.

I just walked down the street with his arms around my shoulders. And it felt right. So completely right. No heads turned, no fingers were pointed, no one seemed to care. Not that I would have noticed if they had. Not that I would have cared. I only had eyes for him. I only felt _him._ Beside me. His arms pulling me close. The love in his touch. It felt so familiar and yet so completely new. The best feeling ever.

I realize I have to say something. The silence between us lingers, and I don't want him to think my silence is anything but … just that. The inability to find the right words. I had no trouble finding them just minutes ago, out on the street. I know I was rambling, but he listened, and he heard me. He understood. And now we're here, home at last, and I don't know what to say.

I feel out of breath. How can I put it into words? He is _everything_. He's just a guy and yet to me, he is _everything._ Everything I ever wanted in another person. He is the one thing I never thought I could have. He is the love of my life.

His face brightens. And I know: as clearly as if I'd said those thoughts aloud, he's heard them. My heart skips a beat when I see realization light up his deep green eyes. He knows. He heard me. I've never been able to hide from him what I think or feel. He just has to look in my eyes, and he knows.

His hands reach out and settle against the sides of my face.  
>"Say it again" he whispers, breathlessly.<br>I know what he needs to hear.  
>"I choose you" I tell him, hearing my own voice quaver with emotion. There is no doubt though. Not anymore. Not ever.<p>

I lean towards him. He meets me halfway, and we kiss at last, deeply and thoroughly.

I'm home.


	3. Chapter 3 : New

**Chapter 3 : N E W**

C H R I S T I A N

I open up and let him in. Let in that familiar taste of him, that feel of him, that I once craved. I still do. He opens his mouth, his body, to me and goes limp in my arms. It feels so good, holding him against me again, absorbing him. It feels better than good.

I pull back slightly to catch my breath. But he won't let go. His lips press against mine insistently. Capture them, caress them. Over and over. They feel different somehow. They're the same, they're _him._ He is the same, and yet... somehow he is not. And I'm not.

I dreamed of this moment. The moment he'd stand before me and tell me that he made his choice. Chose what he really wanted. To be himself. To live the life he wants. To love. Love who he wants to love. _Me._ I dreamed it, but the dream was shattered so many times, and I never believed it could come true. And now it did.

In those dreams, I knew exactly what I'd do when this moment came. I'd sweep him in my arms, throw him on the bed, rip his clothes off, touch him and bite him and kiss him... Fuck him senseless. Until he begged for mercy, until he moaned and sighed, and cried out my name, over and over.

And here we are. He's here before me. Confident, happy, and more beautiful than ever before. He made his choice, and the feeling of his lips against mine - hungry, passionate, persistent - tell me that he's only too willing to make my dream reality.  
>And I still want that.<br>I still want nothing more than to feel his body, naked, hot and wanton against mine. I want nothing more than make him mine again, hear him scream my name in ecstasy.  
>Yet something holds me back. I'm not sure what it is. All I know is that this is about so much more than sex. This is about <em>us.<em>  
>The feeling is new. Different. It's familiar. It's right. It's as beautiful as it's ever been between us. But it's also new. And it scares me a little.<p>

At last our mouths let go. His face is flushed. His eyes study me, and I know he wants to ask me something. I cradle his face between my hands.  
>"What?" I ask him softly.<br>He swallows audibly. "Is it different for you too?" and again I marvel at how we always connect so deeply. We feel the same, think the same, know what the other thinks.

"Yeah..." I breathe. "It's different, but it's still the same. It's still us"  
>He smiles gently at that. "Maybe you should say, it's us <em>at last<em>"  
>He gingerly touches my face. "I'm sorry that I made you wait so long"<p>

"You're here now" I say "It doesn't matter any more"  
>And it really doesn't.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4 : Time

**Chapter 4 : T I M E**

S Y E D

I want him. I need him. I crave him. So badly. I want to push him down on the bed, beg him to take me, make me his again. And make him mine.  
>But I hold back. It's strange. I never thought I'd ever be able to contain my desire for him. And certainly not in this moment. Not <em>now,<em> when everything is suddenly so clear. I am where I want to be. I am who I want to be. And he's the one I want to be with.

A sudden calm washes over me. I want to cherish this moment. Savour it. Every second, every touch, every taste, every whisper, every breath... It's different. It's the same. Confusing. New.

Our lovemaking in the past was always marred by an urgency that we couldn't control. A sense of loss even before we had to part. Being together was always tainted by the knowledge that time and circumstances and life and … everything and everyone... inevitably conspired to tear us apart. We tried to fight it. Time and again, we tried to pretend it wasn't there. But it always was. That inescapable conclusion.  
><em>We couldn't be<em>.  
>And it hurt. So much. Scarred me. Scarred <em>him<em>. My beautiful strong man. It shattered his heart. And broke mine.  
>But now, all that is gone. I'm here. He's here. We're together. We have all the time in the world. And it feels like forever already.<p>

I move in to kiss him again, but his hands stop me. I look up at him, a question in my eyes, and see him smile. It's tentative, and his eyes betray his emotion.  
>"What?" I ask in a whisper, barely resisting the urge to press my body against his.<br>"I have to tell you something."  
>The seriousness in his voice gives me pause. I hold my breath.<br>He blushes, hesitates, then blurts it out.  
>"Since you… since us, I haven't…. not with anyone."<p>

His quiet admission takes my breath away. It may not seem a lot, but it says so much. It wouldn't have mattered, not in the grand scheme of things. I know I could not expect him to wait for me. I didn't hope that he would, but I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't make me happy to know that he did. It tells me how special I am to him. How much I matter. Of course I knew that already. But to hear this, like this, means the world.

I reach out and touch his face. I'm not good with words. But I can't keep quiet any more. Now is the time to tell him.  
>"I've missed you so much. There hasn't been a day that I haven't dreamed about this. About being in your arms again, holding you, making love to you. Building my life with you… But I never thought …. that I would have the strength to make it happen"<br>I swallow. Close my eyes. Try to gather my thoughts.  
>"All my life, I've felt so alone, so trapped. And then today, I just… couldn't deny it any more. I <em>knew<em>. What I want, what I _need_. I didn't want to run any more. So I chose. And now I'm here. With you. It's like a dream, but I hope it's not. Please, Christian, tell me it's not a dream"

He puts his arms around my neck and pulls me close. He slides his tongue against my lips and we kiss again, ardently.  
>"Not a dream" he says when we break for air.<br>"It's not a dream, Sy"


	5. Chapter 5 : Together

**Chapter 5 : T O G E T H E R**

C H R I S T I A N

We waste little time, removing our clothes quickly, and then we're skin to skin again. Resting my hands against the mattress beside his head, my body lingers above his and I watch him intently. Drink in this image I never ever want to forget. The way he looks at me, his eyes so full of love. A wave of tenderness washes over me. I brush a few strands of unruly hair out of his face, and place a kiss on the tip of his nose. He smiles at me softly.  
>He's never looked more beautiful.<p>

Being with him again is indescribable. I need more, more of him. It's only seconds ago that he kissed me, but I need more. More of his touch, more of his kisses. I will never have enough of him.  
>I lean in. He allows my tongue to part his lips and I slip it in as far as I can reach. I can taste his excitement. He shivers and writhes in my arms. I love the effect I have on him. He grabs the back of my head and strokes my hair, my neck, my back...<br>I'm on fire.

I pull back, my eyes questioning his. He only nods, with a smile, and I lean into him again. He presses closer to me. I cover him with my body. My fingers invade him, gently but determinedly. Make sure he is ready. But he hurries me on.  
>And then we join together. Again. At last. It's been too long.<br>He moans into my shoulder, trying to quieten himself.  
>"It's all right," I whisper. "It's all right, Sy." I cup his beautiful face and he relaxes. His body adjusting to mine again. I move. His warmth envelops me. He curls against my body, and moves with me. My hand enfolds him. His lips seek mine, and he cries out his pleasure in my mouth.<p>

I try to be gentle. I do. But his nails dig into my back, and I can barely hold on. I feel the storm about to break inside me. My thrusts become harder. Our bodies and our minds move in synch. Our skin is slick with sweat. His fingers grip my arm, and won't let go. He is close, I can feel it.  
>He squeezes his eyes shut, but I want to see them.<br>"Sy... please... look at me" I urge him. And he does. Without hesitation, he opens his eyes, darkened with passion, and locks them with mine. His body tightens against me.  
>And then he lets go. His abandonment is a thing of beauty. He was never so free.<p>

It's all that's needed to push me over the edge. Stars explode across my eyes and a loud scream escapes my mouth. We cry out together. My head falls onto his shoulder, and he holds me tight. His lips to my ear whisper my name, over and over again. It has never sounded so sweet.

It was never like this.  
>Me and him, it was always beautiful. Memorable.<br>But never... never quite like this.


	6. Chapter 6 : Forever

**Chapter 6 : F O R E V E R**

S Y E D

We lie, side by side, facing each other. My head rests on his shoulder. My fingers play lazily with the fine curls on his chest.

"I want to be with you forever."  
>There, I said it. I want to be with him, it's true. I do want that. I don't know how simple or how hard it will be. But it's what I want, plain and simple. My life is better with him in it. He makes me come alive like I've never been alive before.<p>

Being with him is all that I want. I think he's always known that, but after everything that's happened I don't want him to doubt it.  
>So I tell him.<br>"I love you, Christian. Always will... You have my heart."

I look up, tentatively, and he's smiling back at me.  
>"And you have mine" he says. "My beautiful Sy. I love you. So much."<br>I hear a catch in his throat.

He reaches out and lovingly strokes a thumb across my lower lip. I can't take my eyes off those deep green depths. Gently, lovingly, he takes my face in his hands and brings it close to his. His nose is pressed lightly to my nose, my forehead to his forehead, and his lips find mine again.  
>It's a long, lingering kiss. Sweet. Loving. Deep and sensual. We're making a promise to each other. A commitment unlike any other that either of us has ever made.<p>

I sigh against his lips.  
>"This is where I want to be, Christian... Right here, with you."<br>"Good" he teases "I'm glad you feel that way, because you're not getting out of this bed for the next three days... at least!"

A bubble of laughter escapes me. He always does that. Brings lightness to my life. I feel like the luckiest man in the world.

Never in my life have I felt this peaceful before. He holds me in his arms and whispers sweet nothings into my hair, half of which are incomprehensible. A yawn of exhaustion escapes me before I can stifle it.

"Sleep, my love" he soothes.  
>My eyes flutter closed.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7 : Him

**Chapter 7 : H I M**

C H R I S T I A N

I watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful. So young. So beautiful.  
>I softly run my fingers through his tangled hair.<p>

Our lovemaking today _was _different.  
>So familiar, and yet so much as if it was our first time. Infused with so much longing, so much love, so much promise. Our bodies, even after all this time apart, remembered just how to move and how to fit. He never took his eyes off me. And I know that I will never be able to look away from him again.<p>

I touch his cheek, caressing the soft skin with my fingertips, and trace his beautiful features.  
>He genuinely takes my breath away. Us being here – together – takes my breath away.<p>

It amazes me that I could ever feel this way. This was never going to happen to me. I wasn't looking for love. I was perfectly happy. Or so I told myself. After the first time, I told myself that he was just another conquest, that if it never happened again, that would have been perfectly fine. I could have lived on happily. At least, that's what I tried to make myself believe. I was just fooling myself.

As if what I'd seen in his eyes that night, as if what I had sensed in his touches, and felt in his kisses, wasn't telling me all I needed to know. As if what_ I_ felt that night, holding him to me for the first time, wasn't so unique and unforgettable, that I would never be the same again.

Somehow, somewhere, in the back of my mind, in my heart, I knew then that this kind, soft-spoken, gorgeous man would change how I viewed the world, how I thought my life would turn out to be.

Looking into those familiar brown eyes again today, and seeing all that love in them, I realized just how much he _has_ changed my life. Changed _me_.  
>He loves me. I am his soul mate, and he is mine. I feel closer to him than ever. We are meant to be together.<p>

I look at him, asleep in my arms, and I want to pinch myself.  
>He's here with me. Here to stay.<p>

I must be the luckiest man alive.  
>He chose me.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8 : Us

**Chapter 8 : U S**

E P I L O G U E

S Y E D

I wake up, wrapped in his arms, and it's just like the first time. Our naked bodies are glued together by sweat and by the simple longing to be joined. I slowly open my eyes and there he is. My Christian.  
>It's not a dream.<p>

Daylight is streaming through the window, and illuminates his beautiful sleeping face. I run my fingers down his cheek, and kiss him softly. He stirs. I snuggle into him, not ready to face the morning just yet. I love how he feels in my arms. Waking up together surely is the best thing ever. With a jolt of joy I suddenly realize that if I'm lucky I'll have this every day for rest of my life.  
>Our lives. Together.<p>

The events of yesterday still seem surreal. I finally took the leap. Did the bravest thing I have done in my entire life. And the best thing. Ever.

If ever I've done anything right in my life it was falling in love with Christian. From the very first day we met, there was a spark between us. Even I couldn't deny it, although I tried. His laugh was so infectious, he always made me smile. Just getting to know him changed my life. We became friends, easily, naturally, and soon inseparably.  
>He was the first person to really care about me, to care what happened to me and how I felt. He listened to me. Saw me. Made me feel real. Warmed every corner of my soul. Some days I thought my heart would burst from the sheer happiness of simply being his friend, and having a friend like him.<p>

I knew.  
>I knew a long time before I admitted it to myself. He was the one.<br>He gave me butterflies. And he taught me how to love. He became all I could ever want. And more. He takes my breath away, every time he so much as glances in my direction. I could never imagine feeling this way before. Needing him, yearning for his touch. He's all I want. He makes me whole.

So many memories are etched into my mind. Forever. I don't want to forget any of them. Yes, we've hit bumps, big, nasty bumps, brick walls even. But we've pulled through. Our love is strong, and I believe now that it will never fail. I was born to be with him. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

Suddenly I'm restless. Too happy to lie still. I need to move. Do something will all that energy bursting through me. But I don't want to wake him. I try to pull free, and carefully inch my way out of his grasp. But he tightens his grip around me and pulls me back to him.

"Christian..." I whisper.  
>He hums and snuggles closer into me.<br>"Let go," I urge him, trying once again to pull away.  
>"I can't. I'm not losing you again" he rasps.<br>His eyes are still closed, and I realize he is still asleep.  
>"Christian," I say again, shaking him gently awake. "Can you please wake up and let me free?"<br>Slowly his eyes open and his grip loosens – but only a bit.  
>"Don't ever leave me again" His voice sounds pained. He's begging me.<br>I hasten to reassure him, brushing my fingers lovingly across his face.  
>"I'm not going anywhere. I just need a shower."<p>

He takes a deep breath and lets go reluctantly. I grab a t-shirt off the floor and slip it over my head, then turn around and glance back at him. Propped up on his elbows, he gazes at me, a mixture of joy and seriousness in his eyes. I lean over the bed and give him a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm just taking a shower," I tell him again, "I'll be right back."  
>He cocks his head, a naughty smile brightens his features.<br>"Mind if I join you?"  
>I chuckle.<br>"Well... it's _your_ shower!"

He laughs out loud. "What are we waiting for then?"  
>He grabs my hand, and before I can protest, he pulls me with him.<p>

0+0+0

We stumble into the bathroom in fits of laughter. He closes the door behind us, pushes me against it. His body is warm against mine. My t-shirt's already – abandoned, forgotten – back on the floor. I feel his arousal, and moan my approval.

"By the way..." he breathes against my lips, his tongue again begging entrance, "Just so we're clear... it's not _my_ shower any more, it's _ours_"

How a remark so seemingly casual can make my day. Define my life.

My heart lurches.  
>I'm home at last.<br>I finally chose right.


End file.
